I’m exhausted y’all. Mentally, emotionally, physically ... pooped out. The pre-sale for Growing Old: One Lucille Ball Moment at a time is finally happening.
This was supposed to be one of those fancy upbeat “but WAIT there’s More“ marketing type posts, but I can’t. This book is more my baby than an “as seen on TV“ product.
My story:
•who would want to read it?
•why would anyone want to?
•I’m positive not that many people really like me.
•Memoirs are for famous people and those who have had REALLY horrific childhoods. Not for regular mediocre moms who always end up in embarrassing moments?!
•I vividly remember the days of the “I hate Heather Nuttall club” in middle school. Sometimes it still brings a lump to my throat.
•People aren’t Really all that interested in hearing the things you’ve had to over-come. They aren’t “Life-Time Movie” worthy. Just pick yourself up and keep going for crying out loud.
These are but a few of the demons I’ve had to slay just to get to the point of putting fingers to a keyboard.
My story is for those who have suffered rejection from one turn to another. The ever accompanying voice yelling internally that you’re not good enough, nobody thinks you’re anything special. Especially not those closest to you.
It’s to bring hope to those like me that you Can do this. You Can overcome. That peace comes not from being delivered from the monster of rejection because he will never give up coming back, knocking on your heart’s door wanting to be let back in. But peace comes from answering the door when he calls, and closing it right back in his face turning him away.
Maybe Rejection will eventually give up one day and stop coming if I’m faithful to turn him away consistently, but every time I hear his voice right now it’s like I hear some ancient warrior battle cry of my ancestors shouting, “you can do this - we got you” to the beat of the war drums pounding in my veins. Every ring of the doorbell successfully turned away makes my heart grow stronger and my confidence bigger.
You see, to deal with rejection you have to Do the very thing that he is named.... you have to Reject - Rejection.
You’re caught in turmoil over it at first because you know how much it sucks to be rejected. To turn around and intentionally reject Anything seems all sorts of wrong and you just can’t. So you let him in. Let him establish a home inside your heart and mind and he grows. Always yelling at you. Not one event can happen in your life that he isn’t bellowing at you from his easy chair. “They don’t really like you! HA! They want YOU to go to dinner with them?! Well they never ask you for a girls night out any other time? Why this time? They must need you to work on something so they can go drink more mimosas without you!!”
He’s ruthless.
My book only scratches the surface of how I’ve learned to battle him. Mostly I’m learning to embrace all of me - even the embarrassing or perceived weaknesses about myself and publish it to the world.
Nothing like telling the world some of your secrets right?! How’s that for setting up the ultimate accountability?!?
Dirty secret?! Recently my Marketing & Revisions Editor just gave me homework. When I began to worry and obsess about whether I would meet my campaign goal, she said “your homework today is to go read your OWN book and write cards with statements from the book that you’ve learned and tape them all over your OWN house! “. Touché Kathy .... well played.
But she was right. I had let him back in just enough to render myself powerless for just a minute. To hear him say that I will never reach my goal and therefore have to choose between life and death for this book. It had trapped me and my heart.
But I’m hearing the drum beat and battle cry of all my history again. I’m fighting.
So THAT’s who will read my book. Anyone who understands rejection, self-acceptance, and overcoming on a daily basis. It’ll be that someone who either needs me because I understand what you’re going through and am willing to strap on my sword (I really do have one) and fight with you. OR it will be that someone who is rooting for me to overcome. Either way - I have people.
Sometimes it isn’t even those close to who you Thought would support you! Sometimes it’s those closest to you who either oppose you growing and getting stronger altogether, or even the ones who are the most apathetic and think this isn’t really that big of a deal. But that’s how the enemy works! If Anderson Cooper were calling me stupid, not being supportive and telling me to stop it would only grow my warrior spirit. But have someone close to me say that it’s not that important and I chose to put this book off for decades already.
If I wouldn’t have gone to war with Rejection before I died I would have laid on my death bed soaking it with tears of regret.
So here I am. Telling the world my story. I know God well enough to know that the people who really need to hear it will somehow get ahold of a copy and read it. Maybe they will reach out to me. Maybe they will hear my story when I have speaking engagements. Whatever the case.... when I can bring hope to another soul, and confidence that they at least have me willing to fight beside them. That’s when my life story will have reached what God created me for.
If you are reading this and you know me personally - thank you. You have either been instrumental in growing my heart to accept myself, or you’ve been the voice of rejection throwing weapons at me right and left. Either way - Thank You. Because I would not be where I am today without you.
Much Love Y’all
Blessings - we need ‘em every day!
Yours,
Heather