This quote is literally my life story, with a few funnies thrown in along the way. I’ve credited Lou Holtz with saying it here, but Charles Swindoll said it as well. It started with an event I can now look back on and say was bad but could have been overcome if I’d have had the tools and someone who noticed what was happening. They would have had to be perfect at discernment, because I can absolutely hide all things inside if I need to.
I absolutely took what happened to me and paralyzed myself with it for decades.
I began self-loathing almost instantly
I believed myself unworthy. Unworthy of friendship, of well … anything of value.
I began to just throw myself into the things I Was Good at.
o Being a friend
o Loving others
o Raising babies
o Ministering to others
o Mentoring others
o Lifting others up
o Making sure others succeeded (while believing I wasn’t worthy enough to succeed)
I made a whole life out of two emotions, Love & Hate
I wondered why all the time. Not as much “why me” although that was the case sometimes, but Why do others seem to not struggle with this?
Why could others receive all of these “works” from me and never see the inside of me?
Yep, I remember hearing Lou Holtz being quoted as saying this and at first I really didn’t buy it. I was stuck in the life of sorrow, pain, grief, jealousy, and anger.
Through all of the trials of growing older, I began to just get sick of how life was for me and I began to take in some tools for how I could combat these emotions and false beliefs I had developed when it came to myself. Over the last year I've written a book detailing my journey from the events that turned me towards self-loathing. Growing Old: One Lucille Ball Moment at a Time is meant to bring hope to others who have
Experienced Rejection (at any level)
Been the spouse to someone with an addictive struggle
Had a marriage that just always seemed like maybe it could fall apart on the next breath
Experienced the trauma of losing your heroes on this earth
Faced your shortcomings head-on
It is also meant, to snuggle up to the wonderful moments, and realize how grateful you are for the glimpses of perfection this earthly life offers all of us. To lead you to have your own authentic relationship with God without doing anything like "everybody else" is doing it. He gets it - He can take your wild hairs and tame them.
Last, but Not least, it is also for those who have a great sense of humor, know how to find the funny in all situations. As I chronicle some of my most embarrassing moments in life, you will be sure to laugh, some have had to rush to the bathroom, others have spit milk right out their nose. However you enjoy humor, I've tried really hard to give you a real description of what my life is like when I have an unwillingly embarrassing event that I now call Lucille Ball Moments! eBook to release on Amazon the week of May 3rd, 2022 and paperback coming to Amazon "shelves" the first full week of June (tentatively).